X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Release Date: May 1, 2009

Watch Date: August 15 – August 18, 2024

“X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the first chapter in the X-Men saga, unites Wolverine with several other legends of the X-Men universe, in an epic revolution that pits the mutants against powerful forces determined to eliminate them.”

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   I was not looking forward to this movie. It’s well known for a Gambit that’s never followed up on. Oh, and a terrible Deadpool. So bad the new Deadpool had to go back and correct it. Bad CGI. Generally not needing to exist.

   I actually saw this movie in theaters with my mother. I can’t imagine why I did. And I have not seen it since, at least not that I can think of. My mother doesn’t even like Marvel, and she especially is not into X-Men. But I did. And I hoped to never see it again.

   And then we watched it, and I enjoyed it. Mostly.

   Surprisingly, I really enjoyed the first…ten or so minutes? However long it takes for this film to get to the modern day. I like historical fiction films, generally. The first Captain America movie is one of my favorite films of all time. And the intro sequence, at least, scratched that itch. There’s also a point where Wolverine acknowledges that he’s Canadian, and I am also very into that. All Canadians like it when famous fictional characters say they’re Canadians.

   But look, the plots kind of weak. Stryker is trying to make a super mutant weapon. And somehow he feels like making Wolverine, who he hates, basically invulnerable is worth it to – I assume – still his DNA to recreate his mutant abilities. Victor is awful, and he never stops being awful, and why Logan tolerates him for literally a hundred years is surprising. Loyal guy, I guess. I also still couldn’t tell you what Gambit’s super power is? Luck? Maybe? I think?

   I really don’t like it when there’s a young Charles Xavier with photoshopped smooth face. It’s so uncanny valley, and pretty unnerving.

   But I liked it! I did. I think mostly because for reasons I don’t understand, or maybe I don’t want to understand, our daughter is incredibly in to all the superhero movies we’re watching. She cheers. She gives them directions. She makes literally every movie better just by engaging with it. Our son? He’s waiting for a more fun Spider-Man to come on screen.

   You may wonder, by the way, why The Punisher hasn’t featured on this list. And let me explain why.

   We couldn’t find it. Literally. The original version of The Punisher I could not find anywhere. Not to rent. Not to buy. And I don’t torrent. The Punisher: War Zone I could find, but we figured our daughter had been promised one superhero movie this weekend. And it wasn’t going to be The Punisher. Wolverine seemed more comical, and less bloody. And I stand by that choice.

   So we will be back tracking this next film and watch a potentially bloodier film before heading back into safer waters. Just because date nights exist for a reason.

   And no matter how much I enjoyed it on a popcorn level, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is not taking up my date night.