Punisher: War Zone

Release Date: December 5, 2008

Watch Date: August 20 – August 21, 2024

“Waging his one-man war on the world of organized crime, ruthless vigilante-hero Frank Castle sets his sights on overeager mob boss, Billy Russoti. After Russoti is left horribly disfigured by Castle, he sets out for vengeance under his new alias: Jigsaw. With the ‘Punisher Task Force’ hot on his trail and the FBI unable to take Jigsaw in, Frank must stand up to the formidable army that Jigsaw has recruited before more of his evil deeds go unpunished.”

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   I regret watching very few films in my life, because everything enriches you in some way, but this one I do.

   It feels like it was written by a bunch of high schoolers who were given a special effects budget – and not a good one. It’s nothing but gratuitous violence, and…no that’s it. This whole movie centers on how can kill people in over the top ways.

   They try to make Punisher edgy and dark, ala Batman, but it doesn’t work. I don’t know who any of these characters are, they don’t explain his plot in an efficient way, and the twists of the film is often who is working with the Punisher which is a bad twist.

   There’s two villains. They’re both bad. One of their lines is “Yummy, yummy, yummy in my tummy, tummy, tummy.” Then he goes and literally eats a guy. Fun.

   But we were laughing at the stupidity and people getting shot in the knee and losing a leg, and the completely unnecessary drawn out scenes of parkour and then Jigsaw makes a comment about a girl who can’t be older than ten being jailbait and we were over it. Done. We finished the movie, but it wasn’t entertaining anymore.

   Make your villains bad guys. Sure. Make them creepy. But sexualizing a kid crosses a line.

   So it’s a bad movie that I wasted four dollars on so that you don’t have to. All the funniest death scenes are online somewhere, I’m sure. It’s not like they’re going to make a sequel, but don’t give them any more money to think they should.