The Ugly Dachshund

Release Date: February 16, 1966

Watch Date: January 21, 2025

“You don’t have to own a pet to laugh with this story of a happy suburban household gone to the dogs. Mark and Fran Garrison (Dean Jones, Suzanne Pleshette) are the ‘proud parents’ of three adorable dachshund pups and their mother…plus one overgrown Great Dane named Brutus, who thinks of himself as one of the dainty dachsies. His identity crisis results in an uproarious series of household crises that reduce the Garrisons’ house to shambles. But when Fran starts hounding Mark to evict Brutus one and for all, it’s up to the confused hound to prove himself and grow into his own fur.”

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   I like the dogs. I love Dean Jones (much to Bob’s chagrin). I do not like Fran. It’s not the actress’ fault, she did exactly what she was supposed to do. Unfortunately, what she was supposed to do was be kind of terrible. Her whole life is her dogs, and whether or not it makes her husband happy. She doesn’t even recognize, or appreciate, his desire for his own dog. But maybe he went a little bit too far with the Great Dane, but sometimes people overcorrect, that’s alright.

   But seriously, she throws a tantrum every single time her husband doesn’t do exactly what she wants, she gives no attempt to train the Great Dane – even though she clearly knows how – and she has extreme double standards for how the dogs should be treated. I don’t like her. If four of your dogs can sleep in the house, so can the Great Dane, even if he can’t sleep on the bed. Especially when you don’t even share a bed with your husband, let the dog be a dog please! Besides, if I had a Great Dane that thought he was a dachshund, I think that would be pretty cute…personally. Maybe I’m alone in that.

   It’s a lighthearted Disney movie, nothing major gets learned, nothing fantastic changes, but everyone is in love and a happy family by the end. No one gets hurt, except for some Asian people that are portrayed terribly. Really, really terribly.

   Dean Jones has so far co-starred with a cat, and a dog, and his future will involve him co-starring with a car that comes to life. But honestly, he can do no wrong – acting wise – in my eyes. He’s just goofy and fun and it makes it’s pretty great. And Bob is just going to have to tolerate my adoring fandom for a few more movies. He’ll figure it out.